Do you see that little girl looking out the window at the world? What is she thinking as she stares at the trees moving in the wind? Why is her eyes full of water? Is she okay or is she dying on the inside? From the outside shes looks to be about 8 or 9. But in truth she is a grown woman full of pain and anger. Shes looking out trying to figure out where things went so wrong in her life. How so many could claim to love her but continue to hurt her so. Was there something wrong with her? Absolutely not but that was a thought that haunted her all of the time. See we can look in at the life of others and think that life is great. But we really don’t know what is going on in the mind and heart of another. So we need to stop being so consumed with things that really shouldn’t matter and start opening our eyes to whats right in front of us. So many people are suffering from depression and thinking of taking their own lives. So when you see that fake smile on a persons face ask God to show the hurt hidden in their heart. What a difference you could make in the life of another if we could stop being so selfish with our time.
Yes, I understand that we all go through something but what I have learned is that when I’m going through there is another who is suffering worse than me. Everything that we endure in life is for the benefit of another. When will we stop being ashamed to tell our story raw and uncut? Granted there are some things that you may not want to share and I believe you should be guided on what to share. As for me I was purposed to share my story and not the story of another. A story that tried to break my very spirit but God would not allow my spirit to die! He has given me strength in my weakest moments. He has loved me when I couldn’t stomach loving myself. He has guided me when I lost direction. He has protected me when I placed myself in danger. See one thing we must understand that God is almighty but the choices that we make will have a negative or positive outcome. Then there will be things that happen to us that we have no control over those things you have to turn around in order to free someone else from the prison they live in. I have never claimed to know it all and there are things that I am still walking through but I do know that God didn’t spare my life for me to waste it feeling sorry for my suffering!! What will you do with your suffering?? Will you let it imprison you or will you set yourself free?
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking up our driveway, it was in the evening time somewhat dark outside. As, I was walking I saw this man he came from the side of the house. He got close to me told me he had been watching me and I didn’t even know it. Before I knew it he grabbed me covered my mouth and dragged me back to this shed we had. I tried my best to fight him off. He told me, if I scream he would kill me. I was in the fifth grade so of course I was scared and believed him. After it was over I had to get myself together, walk into my house as though nothing happened. I never said anything about the incident for along time, when I finally did it was too late. Meaning no one believed me.
This damaged me beyond what felt like could be repaired. I really didn’t know how to handle what had happened to me. My life from there just become a roller-coaster ride. It changed me in more ways than one, but most importantly it shaped me in a bad way . I became depressed wanting to kill myself, even tried to on more than one occasion. This made me angry causing me to deal by holding everything inside.
I am now about to be 32 years old and this still hurts me to this day. I found it difficult to trust at one point in my life I even turned to women. I didn’t trust men when I would meet them I would sleep with them, because I was scared to say NO. Because saying No meant the possibility of them just taking it from me. I still don’t allow people to get close to me because of the fear of getting hurt. I have even damaged some relationships which I’m not proud of because of the hurt that I was feeling . I’m very guarded causing me to build this wall which has an affect on my relationships today. I was told that I have BPD which is a mental illness .
However, I believe God and as I go through this process called Life this is one of the things that God has to heal me from. As a child I never dealt with this I just tried to covered it up in the hopes of blocking it out. Listen that never works!! One thing that I have learned is that you can’t fix won’t you won’t face.
This story was shared by someone who wanted to remain anonymous. I would like to take the time to thank them for allowing me to share their story with others.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT !!!! Tonika Marie Breeden & I have been working to create a course to help you receive CLOSURE on That Relationship!!
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Why is there so much competition among women in the Body of Christ? This is a question that crosses my mind often. It is also something that I don’t understand. Are we not here to change the lives of the unbeliever? Well how can that ever happen when they are witness to so much discord in the Body? Is this a competition of who can be seen or is it about the winning of souls? Are we not suppose to lift one another up? Now is the time to check yourself and truly know what your motives are for doing what you do!
Is it important for you to be seen? When we are truly doing Kingdom work it should’t matter if you are ever seen. That should not be the motive for doing the work that you do. If you have truly been called to do a work the thing that should be on your mind is how is this pleasing to God. Seeking Him and the direction that He would have you go in should be first on your mind not how many people can see you doing the work. It sickens my heart to see such foolishness in the body. Then we wonder why unbelievers have such a hard time trusting us at our word. When they live in discord in the world why come to the Body of Christ to live in more discord and hurt. It is time to make a change because whatever it is that you do to help build the Kingdom is not about you!!! Did you get that?? Let me repeat it then IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!! What I have learned that all of the suffering was not about me but about how I could help another overcome that pain.
I don’t know why she is trying to be like me! This statement makes my stomach turn. Get over yourself because sometimes it’s not that another is trying to be like you they just may admire you. Maybe they see themselves doing the type of work that you do and just want to learn. But in learning you must find your own identity. It is very important to know who you are before trying to step out to help another find who they are. I was at a workshop and the speaker said some things that rang out loud and clear to me. One of those things were ” BE YOU” because no one can be you like you. Own who you are ” I AM CHRISTINA SAUNDERS”. The last thing I want to say is that we all can be doing the same thing but do it being YOU. This is not a competition what it should be about is how many lives can you help change by showing the CHRIST that you serve!!!!
I wrote a blog once about my up and down battle with depression and I was real, honest and raw about it all. See when you are sharing your story be real with others about what you have been through. Your realness will open a gate for others to be real with themselves about where they are. Some of you may not be comfortable with sharing your story and that’s okay. But I am in a place of comfort and I share what God leads me to share. I have heard some say you tell to much of your business. Well because of it I have had others reach out to me and want to know how God brought me out. That alone is enough for me to continue to share and be real about my life. Will there be people that will try to hold my past against me? Absolutely, and I am truly okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is because they can’t share anything about me that I haven’t already shared with the world.
My honesty about me has given me the opportunity to help others. When I log into Facebook and have messages from people who want to talk to me I know that I’m doing what God purposed me to do. I feel like when God has delivered us from something don’t act as if that thing never happened. Don’t walk around like life has always been perfect and you have never had any wrong in your past. Please people take the mask off and let others know that if God delivered you He will do the same for them. Your story could mean life or death for someone else. There is a person out there just waiting for you to be transparent with them about your testimony. So am I willing to take the backlash from the “Holy High Rollers” yes I am if it will help one person.
I realized some time ago that God did not call me to be confined to the 4 walls of the church. I knew that I was going to be to raw for some people. Some may say you keep it to real but I say I’m just being transparent. The things that have happened in my life is the reality for many right now so why not talk about it? Just think about it this way if someone had been transparent with you what difference would that have made in your life? And don’t be so quick to look at another and think that they are beneath you because of where they are right now. They are still human and we are to love them as Christ loves us. Watch your words to them and how you react to them. Just because they are not where you are doesn’t mean that you get to treat them with disrespect. If you only knew how many times I have heard ” I have been mistreated by those in the church” and that hurts me to my heart. When a person is sick, in an accident or dying they go to the hospital for help to get better. Well when people are hurt, broken, depressed, addicted and lost they should be able to come to the church for healing not for “church hurt”.
So I will leave you with this your transparency will help another come out of where they are!
A soul tie is what links two souls together in the spiritual realm. This can have a positive or negative result.
Matthew 19:5 A said , For this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? When two come together in marriage and become one flesh. As a result of this the two becoming one flesh it binds them together. The word cleave means to adhere closely; stick; cling. There are close relationships/friendships that have soul ties. Take King David and Jonathan in the Bible as an example. 1 Samuel 18:1, “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
Soul ties formed through fornication or abuse can leave negative effects. This is why you can find yourself going back and forth with an ex lover. You know the one that calls you in the middle of the night once or twice a month just for sex. The one you always open the door for and let in knowing that he really doesn’t want to be with you. Then when he’s gone you feel dirty. And oh my lets not forget about the affair and how that effects you. This type of soul tie can destroy your marriage being linked to a woman that is not your wife. Having lustful feelings for another that is not your wife. Childhood abuse can cause you to view relationships in a negative way.These types of soul ties leave you open for spirits to transfer from one to another. Soul ties are real and they effect us in different ways. If you would like more information on soul ties follow me on Facebook.
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)
As I read this scripture I thought about the root of bitterness and I see it as being under the surface. Bitterness is not something you see right away when you look at a person. It is more like when poison enters your body and attacks your internal organs. It lives inside that person. You may not be able to recognize bitterness since it’s not a surface problem. This takes me back to the root of this poison. From the root of bitterness grows branches like anger. But that is a topic we will address later.
Many people become bitter about the things that happened to them years ago. Often times this is because they have not forgiven the offense committed against them. When you allow the offense to take over that is when you leave a gateway open for other unhealthy feelings, such as bitterness and anger. Now you become bond by your emotions holding it all inside letting it fester and grow. I want you to understand that you do not have to be in bondage to bitterness.
Steps to overcoming bitterness:
- You must first forgive. Ask God to help you forgive those who offended you. But also ask God to forgive you for holding on to bitterness. Forgiveness is not an easy task so it is important that you seek God for help with this.
- Stop reliving the offense. You will never overcome the bitterness if you are reliving the offense in a negative light. Do not dwell in that negative place.
- God’s Grace. When you find it hard to let go His grace will give you the power to overcome. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Join us this week as we continue to discuss the root of bitterness. You can stay connected to us at www.facebook.com/luv2beu.
According to the Webster’s Standard Dictionary the meaning of insecure is uncertain; lacking stability. We have all had an encounter with insecurity whether it was someone we know or ourselves. Many people put on the mask of security but all along they are truly insecure. Wearing that mask can be a full time job. Why work that hard when there is a solution to every problem.
Last week I wrote about rejection but I want you to see how rejection can cause insecurity. My father died when I was only six and that one event changed my life. In my mind as a child I thought that God took him because I wasn’t good enough to have the love of a father. And that made me feel rejected which caused me to want to please others. Children may perceive things differently from what they really are. But that feeling of rejection caused a deep rooted seed of insecurity, feeling like I was never good enough. It wasn’t until I started to deal with the root of rejection that I realized just how insecure I really was.
A lot of people base security on materialistic things. She/he must be secure because they live in a mansion or drive an expensive car. It doesn’t matter if you’re making a million dollars or wearing designer clothes that does not make you secure. Take a true and honest look at where you are and what has caused you to be insecure. We don’t have to be ashamed about where we are. Just know that God can help us through anything.
Understand this others my reject us but be secure in the fact that the Lord will not. Psalm 27:10, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Join us at www.facebook.com/luv2beu as we discuss insecurity this week.
We have all experienced rejection at some point in our lives with different results. There are many different causes and results of rejection. Being rejected doesn’t mean that you come from an abusive home. People from stable homes experience rejection. There are so many things that can happen in life to open the door for rejection. I will be sharing some of those causes with you.
- Death of a parent
- A child born with disabilities
- Comparing a child to sibling
- Being put up for adoption
- Abuse (physical, verbal, emotional and sexual)
- Peer rejection
Rejection is everywhere and when there is cause there is also a result. The results of rejection can alter our spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing. Here is a short list of some of the results of rejection.
You do not have to be held in bondage to rejection. It is possible to be free but you have to be willing to do the work. Join me on www.facebook.com/luv2beu as we discuss this a little more throughout the month of January.