The Insecure Woman

This morning I was watching I Love Lucy as I do every morning. Today was just a little different. I have watched this show for many years and the revelation I received this morning I never noticed before. Many times we watch shows and laugh at the shenanigans that go on never really seeing the true message. Well, today I received it loud and clear.

Insecurehow-can-i-stop-being-insecure-in-my-relationship-418-zmZjfXeW3ZOdzJdrV4Y!Lucy is always coming up with some type of scheme on the show. And usually they never work out the way she intends for them to. But what I noticed today was how every time Ricky has to do a show with another woman she goes overboard. Now on the show Ricky has never done anything to make her think he is cheating yet she always goes bananas when another woman comes around. The question that I asked myself was “Is this her being insecure about herself or is it something Ricky did?” Then I began to think about other episodes that I watched where she was always trying to change the way she looked because she didn’t feel like she lived up to a certain image. Or every time a woman from Ricky’s country came around she would compare herself to them. 

Now let me jump over into the real world. How many times have you accused a man of something based off of what another man did to you? The reason it is so easy for us to do this because we have not dealt with how that betrayal made us feel. Now we are insecure thinking that there was something wrong with us that made him betray our trust. You find yourself comparing the way you look to the other woman/women. Or every time a woman is around your mate you find yourself giving him the side eye because you think he’s looking at her. Let me say this women if you have not dealt with your past hurt and healed from it stay single until you do. Truth be told that if you get a good man you wouldn’t be able to tell because your insecurities will drive him away. Then you will be with your girlfriends talking about how you knew he was sorry and all the while you are the problem. Now is the time to take a minute to examine where you are with yourself. Take responsibility and let us stop blaming every man because we are insecure. There are still good men out here in this world and if you don’t be honest about your insecurities you may just pass him right on by or should I say run him away!!!

A Look at Domestic Violence

First let me define domestic violence as violent or aggressive behavior within the home typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. In the wake of the murder of the young lady and her 3 children in my surrounding area I felt the need to write on this subject. As I have read many comments on Facebook some heart touching while others were heart breaking.Stop the violence

Many times people respond in a negative way because this is a life that they have never lived. Even when you are a witness to it you still may never understand how hard it is to leave. I read comments saying “why didn’t she just leave?” I have seen comments that said, “I would never allow a person to abuse me.” You get the picture of where I am going with this. There are many factors to these types of relationships. Many of you may not understand it but please stop making victims feel stupid when they are already being demeaned on a daily basis. Control is the key to domestic violence. Usually a person has already lost control of their lives long before the physical abuse even starts.

Domestic ViolenceFear-an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. (Verb) be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening. With that being said fear is the main reason many stay. People may think it’s because they are so in love…No that is not it. Fear of being homeless, losing your children or your life and not feeling worthy to be loved. This is a hard spot to be in and when people make you feel stupid for being there it’s even harder to leave. Think of it this way when you make that person feel demeaned you are no better than the abuser…yeah I said it! Because I’m sure that many of you never saw it that way. The verbal and emotional abuse from their spouse has already beat them down so why would you want to beat them down any more? 

Take the time to educate yourself on this issue. Make an effort to volunteer at your local shelter or at an event that supports domestic violence awareness. And if you know a person is living this life please just make yourself aware of information that you can pass on to them in order to help. Find out what you can do to help by calling your local shelter or the National Hotline. Here is the number to The National Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) OR 1-800-787-3224(TTY). 

The Open Side-Chick

What would make a woman be proud to be the other woman? Does this title not come with some form of shame? Has social media glamorized this title to the point that we just turn a blind eye to the issue? These are some of things that crossed my mind when I saw this photo. Now please understand that I am not here to judge because I have been on both sides of the fence. But with age and experience I have learned that my value is worth more than playing second best to anyone.

Many try to make it seem as if they are okay with this role but please be truthful with yourself. If you were really okay with it you would not have to broadcast it in the hopes that the other woman figures you out. Also, if I act like this is cool I can mask the fact that I really want more from this man that is married to someone else. See honestly what they really want is to be the main woman in his life. But ask yourself this question “How often does the side become the main?” Unfortunately these reality shows are giving women false hope. Love And Hip Hop has made it seem that the new normal is that he will marry the side piece. But look how miserable they look on these shows. Every episode they are crying or fighting over this man. Is it worth losing yourself just to say you have a man?

Now my other questions are why is this good enough for you? Is that you don’t really want to be in a committed relationship because you fear being hurt? Do you lose your value along the way because of something from your past? Was this something that was the norm in your family? As I talk with other women these are some of the questions that they want answers to. Have you ever thought is this how you would want your daughter to be treated? Many times as the side chick we think of none other than self. Honestly there are usually children involved in these situations and how this will infect them never crosses anyone’s mind.  And yes, I said infect because this becomes like an infectious disease. Causes many to be hurt in the end.

There are so many areas that we could cover talking about this subject but I don’t really have that much time. I will come back next week and speak on self-worth. As it pertains to this subject I feel it plays a large role in what we allow as women. My prayer is that many will see and understand that they are worth more than getting scraps here and there when they are available. That they will see that they to should be afforded the luxury of eating at the table like a human being. At some point we must come of the clearance rack and get in the glass case where the valuables are stored!!

Relationships Private vs Secret

I often sit and listen to others talk about their relationships and wonder do they really hear what they are saying. Most of the time I don’t say anything because I love observing others. And I do understand people wanting to keep their relationship private in hopes to getting to know each other without the input of outside forces. Many times we allow the opinion of others to cloud our judgement when it comes to relationships. Or we have people volunteering information that you didn’t even ask for. So therefore you don’t want to share the fact that you are dating with the people that you love. Keeping things private for a while is not a bad thing. Now on the other hand keeping it a secret is something totally different. So let me jump right in.

Private  means affecting or involving only a particular person or group of people. See most of the time when people decide to keep things private only maybe a best friend knows about the relationship. They make a decision not to involve everyone in the family on their new adventure. Maybe they realize that having everyone involved can cause things to go south before they even start. This comes with knowing the people in your life. We all know that when you first start dating sometimes people want to give you the run down on that person. What they have heard from others and maybe a rundown of that person’s past. They do this without ever giving you a chance to see if this is someone you even really want to entertain. So being private is not a bad thing.

Secret means not known or seen or meant to be known or seen by others. The moment you become the person that is only seen late at night and no one knows that you are even in the picture there is a problem. When someone is begging you to be quiet about the fact that you’re involved that is a red flag. Why do you have to be a secret?? That’s the question you should be asking. This person denies you anytime someone asks if the two of you are involved. There are usually only 2 reasons someone would keep you secret they have a mate already or they are ashamed. Never allow anyone to treat like you’re not worthy of being loved.

Don’t ever be confused about what is private and what is secret. Because nothing good ever comes out of a secret. If you allow yourself to remain a secret prepare yourself for hurt to follow. No man or woman that truly cares for you would want to keep you a dirty little secret. Know that you are worth more that being a secret.  

Breaking Soul Ties

As an adult, I once found myself going from one bad
relationship to another. Why
was I continually going back to old unhealthy relationships? Why
couldn’t I just break free and be free in my mind? What was holding
me in bondage to these men? Why would I be thinking or dreaming
about a man I was no longer involved with, or dating? Worse still,
every new relationship I entered was always adversely affected by
the negative and hurting residue of past relationships. Why were all
these happening to me? These and many more were the questions
that floated around in my mind. If this is you contact me at christinalifecoach37@gmail.com or inbox me here for more information on this workbook.
The 5 Steps to Breaking soul ties & setting yourself free

Steps to Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a mandate from the Lord. Mandate is an official order or commission to do something.
Matthew 6:14-15 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Forgiveness is important to your spiritual, mental and physical well being. Not forgiving is like committing spiritual suicide. In other words unforgiveness causes us to harbor anger and bitterness in our heart. Those emotions if not dealt with will turn into hate. With that being said how can Christ fully dwell in a heart full of hate?
  • When we fail to forgive out mental state suffers from anger, resentment, shame and bitterness.
  • You soon become held in bondage to all of those emotions.
  • The stress of those emotions can cause a mental break.
  • When you play the act over and over in your mind you give depression and anxiety a door to creep in.
  • You may even feel a lack of purpose.
Some of the effects stress can have on the body according to info from The Mayo Clinic.
  1. Headaches
  2. Muscle Tension
  3. Chest Pain
  4. Fatigue
  5. Change in Sex Drive
  6. Stomach Upset
  7. Sleep Problems
Steps to Forgiveness
  1. Make a conscious decision to forgive
  2. Identify the experience that caused you harm
  3. Express how the experience made you feel
  4. Pray, ask God for healing and strength to forgive
  5. Take your Power Back and Forgive
If you would like to go more in depth with this process you can contact me by going to my website http://www.christinasaunders.com/ You may also inbox me here on Facebook. I pray that this will help you walk into forgiveness and set yourself FREE!

The Spirit of Competition!

Why is there so much competition among women in the Body of Christ? This is a question that crosses my mind often. It is also something that I don’t understand. Are we not here to change the lives of the unbeliever? Well how can that ever happen when they are witness to so much discord in the Body? Is this a competition of who can be seen or is it about the winning of souls? Are we not suppose to lift one another up? Now is the time to check yourself and truly know what your motives are for doing what you do! sisterhood-women-of-soul--d-glenn-daniels

Is it important for you to be seen? When we are truly doing Kingdom work it should’t matter if you are ever seen. That should not be the motive for doing the work that you do. If you have truly been called to do a work the thing that should be on your mind is how is this pleasing to God. Seeking Him and the direction that He would have you go in should be first on your mind not how many people can see you doing the work. It sickens my heart to see such foolishness in the body. Then we wonder why unbelievers have such a hard time trusting us at our word. When they live in discord in the world why come to the Body of Christ to live in more discord and hurt. It is time to make a change because whatever it is that you do to help build the Kingdom is not about you!!! Did you get that?? Let me repeat it then IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!! What I have learned that all of the suffering was not about me but about how I could help another overcome that pain. 

I don’t know why she is trying to be like me! This statement makes my stomach turn. Get over yourself because sometimes it’s not that another is trying to be like you they just may admire you. Maybe they see themselves doing the type of work that you do and just want to learn. But in learning you must find your own identity. It is very important to know who you are before trying to step out to help another find who they are. I was at a workshop and the speaker said some things that rang out loud and clear to me. One of those things were ” BE YOU” because no one can be you like you. Own who you are ” I AM CHRISTINA SAUNDERS”. The last thing I want to say is that we all can be doing the same thing but do it being YOU. This is not a competition what it should be about is how many lives can you help change by showing the CHRIST that you serve!!!!

Being Transparent

I wrote a blog once about my up and down battle with depression and I was real, honest and raw about it all. See when you are sharing your story be real with others about what you have been through. Your realness will open a gate for others to be real with themselves about where they are. Some of you may not be comfortable with sharing your story and that’s okay. But I am in a place of comfort and I share what God leads me to share. I have heard some say you tell to much of your business. Well because of it I have had others reach out to me and want to know how God brought me out. That alone is enough for me to continue to share and be real about my life. Will there be people that will try to hold my past against me? Absolutely, and I am truly okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is because they can’t share anything about me that I haven’t already shared with the world.

My honesty about me has given me the opportunity to help others. When I log into Facebook and have messages from people who want to talk to me I know that I’m doing what God purposed me to do. I feel like when God has delivered us from something don’t act as if that thing never happened. Don’t walk around like life has always been perfect and you have never had any wrong in your past. Please people take the mask off and let others know that if God delivered you He will do the same for them. Your story could mean life or death for someone else. There is a person out there just waiting for you to be transparent with them about your testimony. So am I willing to take the backlash from the “Holy High Rollers” yes I am if it will help one person. 

I realized some time ago that God did not call me to be confined to the 4 walls of the church. I knew that I was going to be to raw for some people. Some may say you keep it to real but I say I’m just being transparent. The things that have happened in my life is the reality for many right now so why not talk about it? Just think about it this way if someone had been transparent with you what difference would that have made in your life? And don’t be so quick to look at another and think that they are beneath you because of where they are right now. They are still human and we are to love them as Christ loves us. Watch your words to them and how you react to them. Just because they are not where you are doesn’t mean that you get to treat them with disrespect. If you only knew how many times I have heard ” I have been mistreated by those in the church” and that hurts me to my heart. When a person is sick, in an accident or dying they go to the hospital for help to get better. Well when people are hurt, broken, depressed, addicted and lost they should be able to come to the church for healing not for “church hurt”. 

So I will leave you with this your transparency will help another come out of where they are! 

Effects of Soul Ties

A soul tie is what links two souls together in the spiritual realm. This can have a positive or negative result. 

Matthew 19:5 A said , For this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? When two come together in marriage and become one flesh. As a result of this the two becoming one flesh it binds them together. The word cleave means to adhere closely; stick; cling. There are close relationships/friendships that have soul ties. Take  King David and Jonathan in the Bible as an example. 1 Samuel 18:1, “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” 

Soul ties formed through fornication or abuse can leave negative effects. This is why you can find yourself going back and forth with an ex lover. You know the one that calls you in the middle of the night once or twice a month just for sex. The one you always open the door for and let in knowing that he really doesn’t want to be with you. Then when he’s gone you feel dirty. And oh my lets not forget about the affair and how that effects you. This type of soul tie can destroy your marriage being linked to a woman that is not your wife. Having lustful feelings for another that is not your wife. Childhood abuse can cause you to view relationships in a negative way.These types of soul ties leave you open for spirits to transfer from one to another. Soul ties are real and they effect us in different ways. If you would like more information on soul ties follow me on Facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/luv2beu

Recognizing Anger

What is anger? Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance displeasure or hostility. It is also a problem that has no limits on who it latches onto. It doesn’t care about age, race, social status or educational background. When you allow anger to fester inside it can become a factor in destroying marriages, the breakdown of families and the weakening of communities. You must identify the root of your anger. Usually the anger stems from past hurts and guilt. Anger comes in when new offenses remind us of past offenses. We have to remove the thinking process that because it was in the past you should be over it. There has to be forgiveness in order to let go of anger. If not anger will continue to consume you every time your tension points are triggered.

Factors that can contribute to Anger:

  • Rejection
  • Favoritism
  • Ridicule
  • False Accusations
  • Abuse (physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and mental)
  • Jealousy
  • Insecurity

 

Because the pain of certain offenses we establish attitudes and actions that lead to guilt and anger.

  • Pride
  • Envy
  • Expectations of others
  • Generalizations of a group due to one person
  • Taking up offenses on behalf of others

It is time to rip the mask off and acknowledge that you are angry and what you’re angry about. You cannot continue to live in past reliving the offenses that happened back then. As long as you live there you will continue to be angry and never learn to forgive. Don’t you want your power back? It is time to be free from the bondage of anger. Are you willing to work towards your freedom? If you are continue to join us on Facebook www.facebook.com/luv2beu.