Do you see that little girl looking out the window at the world? What is she thinking as she stares at the trees moving in the wind? Why is her eyes full of water? Is she okay or is she dying on the inside? From the outside shes looks to be about 8 or 9. But in truth she is a grown woman full of pain and anger. Shes looking out trying to figure out where things went so wrong in her life. How so many could claim to love her but continue to hurt her so. Was there something wrong with her? Absolutely not but that was a thought that haunted her all of the time. See we can look in at the life of others and think that life is great. But we really don’t know what is going on in the mind and heart of another. So we need to stop being so consumed with things that really shouldn’t matter and start opening our eyes to whats right in front of us. So many people are suffering from depression and thinking of taking their own lives. So when you see that fake smile on a persons face ask God to show the hurt hidden in their heart. What a difference you could make in the life of another if we could stop being so selfish with our time.
Yes, I understand that we all go through something but what I have learned is that when I’m going through there is another who is suffering worse than me. Everything that we endure in life is for the benefit of another. When will we stop being ashamed to tell our story raw and uncut? Granted there are some things that you may not want to share and I believe you should be guided on what to share. As for me I was purposed to share my story and not the story of another. A story that tried to break my very spirit but God would not allow my spirit to die! He has given me strength in my weakest moments. He has loved me when I couldn’t stomach loving myself. He has guided me when I lost direction. He has protected me when I placed myself in danger. See one thing we must understand that God is almighty but the choices that we make will have a negative or positive outcome. Then there will be things that happen to us that we have no control over those things you have to turn around in order to free someone else from the prison they live in. I have never claimed to know it all and there are things that I am still walking through but I do know that God didn’t spare my life for me to waste it feeling sorry for my suffering!! What will you do with your suffering?? Will you let it imprison you or will you set yourself free?
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking up our driveway, it was in the evening time somewhat dark outside. As, I was walking I saw this man he came from the side of the house. He got close to me told me he had been watching me and I didn’t even know it. Before I knew it he grabbed me covered my mouth and dragged me back to this shed we had. I tried my best to fight him off. He told me, if I scream he would kill me. I was in the fifth grade so of course I was scared and believed him. After it was over I had to get myself together, walk into my house as though nothing happened. I never said anything about the incident for along time, when I finally did it was too late. Meaning no one believed me.
This damaged me beyond what felt like could be repaired. I really didn’t know how to handle what had happened to me. My life from there just become a roller-coaster ride. It changed me in more ways than one, but most importantly it shaped me in a bad way . I became depressed wanting to kill myself, even tried to on more than one occasion. This made me angry causing me to deal by holding everything inside.
I am now about to be 32 years old and this still hurts me to this day. I found it difficult to trust at one point in my life I even turned to women. I didn’t trust men when I would meet them I would sleep with them, because I was scared to say NO. Because saying No meant the possibility of them just taking it from me. I still don’t allow people to get close to me because of the fear of getting hurt. I have even damaged some relationships which I’m not proud of because of the hurt that I was feeling . I’m very guarded causing me to build this wall which has an affect on my relationships today. I was told that I have BPD which is a mental illness .
However, I believe God and as I go through this process called Life this is one of the things that God has to heal me from. As a child I never dealt with this I just tried to covered it up in the hopes of blocking it out. Listen that never works!! One thing that I have learned is that you can’t fix won’t you won’t face.
This story was shared by someone who wanted to remain anonymous. I would like to take the time to thank them for allowing me to share their story with others.
As a young girl I hated my life to the point I wanted a new family. The misery I felt I knew this was not what everybody else felt within their family. All my friends had moms who were involved in their life 24/7 in a positive way. My mom was phenomenal as far as I wanted to believe, but she was an alcoholic who at times made everyone feel the raft when sobriety kicked in. The way my mom yelled and cursed at my siblings and I 16 years of my life played a huge role in how I almost 10 years later parent my daughter. She’s the apple of my eye, and even though my mom has been deceased for nearly a decade her ways are not what I want to utilize when it comes to disciplining my child. When my mom was angry she made sure we knew and felt every ounce of anger she had. This in return made me angry as a child. Which prompted no result other than me being angry while she was angry and led to me becoming rebellious and abused both mentally, physically, and emotionally. Now, as an adult, I promised myself, my spouse, and more importantly my daughter to never become my mom, as a mom. So far so good, but there are days I catch myself being my mom and I have to remind myself that yelling at my daughter when she does things I don’t like will force her to believe it’s OK to be angry when someone does something she don’t like.. like my mother.. My mom lacked patience, and at almost 26, so do I. Working with being patient with my daughter when she act out has showed me she responds better when I inform her on ways to deal with things. This process is long and hard but I know the generational curse will soon be diminished. Hurt people, hurt people and I refuse to allow pain to dictate how much joy and happiness I can obtain in my life.. Because I am a better person from my childhood situation I have hopes that I’ll become a better mom. My life shaped my vision on what I want my daughter to endure because I wasn’t given the opportunity of positivity in my life, so I vowed to be the positivity I yearned for as a kid… but for my child..
Thank You Amina Kali Okafor for sharing this with us.
What is anger? Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance displeasure or hostility. It is also a problem that has no limits on who it latches onto. It doesn’t care about age, race, social status or educational background. When you allow anger to fester inside it can become a factor in destroying marriages, the breakdown of families and the weakening of communities. You must identify the root of your anger. Usually the anger stems from past hurts and guilt. Anger comes in when new offenses remind us of past offenses. We have to remove the thinking process that because it was in the past you should be over it. There has to be forgiveness in order to let go of anger. If not anger will continue to consume you every time your tension points are triggered.
Factors that can contribute to Anger:
- False Accusations
- Abuse (physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and mental)
Because the pain of certain offenses we establish attitudes and actions that lead to guilt and anger.
- Expectations of others
- Generalizations of a group due to one person
- Taking up offenses on behalf of others
It is time to rip the mask off and acknowledge that you are angry and what you’re angry about. You cannot continue to live in past reliving the offenses that happened back then. As long as you live there you will continue to be angry and never learn to forgive. Don’t you want your power back? It is time to be free from the bondage of anger. Are you willing to work towards your freedom? If you are continue to join us on Facebook www.facebook.com/luv2beu.
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)
As I read this scripture I thought about the root of bitterness and I see it as being under the surface. Bitterness is not something you see right away when you look at a person. It is more like when poison enters your body and attacks your internal organs. It lives inside that person. You may not be able to recognize bitterness since it’s not a surface problem. This takes me back to the root of this poison. From the root of bitterness grows branches like anger. But that is a topic we will address later.
Many people become bitter about the things that happened to them years ago. Often times this is because they have not forgiven the offense committed against them. When you allow the offense to take over that is when you leave a gateway open for other unhealthy feelings, such as bitterness and anger. Now you become bond by your emotions holding it all inside letting it fester and grow. I want you to understand that you do not have to be in bondage to bitterness.
Steps to overcoming bitterness:
- You must first forgive. Ask God to help you forgive those who offended you. But also ask God to forgive you for holding on to bitterness. Forgiveness is not an easy task so it is important that you seek God for help with this.
- Stop reliving the offense. You will never overcome the bitterness if you are reliving the offense in a negative light. Do not dwell in that negative place.
- God’s Grace. When you find it hard to let go His grace will give you the power to overcome. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Join us this week as we continue to discuss the root of bitterness. You can stay connected to us at www.facebook.com/luv2beu.