I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking up our driveway, it was in the evening time somewhat dark outside. As, I was walking I saw this man he came from the side of the house. He got close to me told me he had been watching me and I didn’t even know it. Before I knew it he grabbed me covered my mouth and dragged me back to this shed we had. I tried my best to fight him off. He told me, if I scream he would kill me. I was in the fifth grade so of course I was scared and believed him. After it was over I had to get myself together, walk into my house as though nothing happened. I never said anything about the incident for along time, when I finally did it was too late. Meaning no one believed me.
This damaged me beyond what felt like could be repaired. I really didn’t know how to handle what had happened to me. My life from there just become a roller-coaster ride. It changed me in more ways than one, but most importantly it shaped me in a bad way . I became depressed wanting to kill myself, even tried to on more than one occasion. This made me angry causing me to deal by holding everything inside.
I am now about to be 32 years old and this still hurts me to this day. I found it difficult to trust at one point in my life I even turned to women. I didn’t trust men when I would meet them I would sleep with them, because I was scared to say NO. Because saying No meant the possibility of them just taking it from me. I still don’t allow people to get close to me because of the fear of getting hurt. I have even damaged some relationships which I’m not proud of because of the hurt that I was feeling . I’m very guarded causing me to build this wall which has an affect on my relationships today. I was told that I have BPD which is a mental illness .
However, I believe God and as I go through this process called Life this is one of the things that God has to heal me from. As a child I never dealt with this I just tried to covered it up in the hopes of blocking it out. Listen that never works!! One thing that I have learned is that you can’t fix won’t you won’t face.
This story was shared by someone who wanted to remain anonymous. I would like to take the time to thank them for allowing me to share their story with others.
As a young girl I hated my life to the point I wanted a new family. The misery I felt I knew this was not what everybody else felt within their family. All my friends had moms who were involved in their life 24/7 in a positive way. My mom was phenomenal as far as I wanted to believe, but she was an alcoholic who at times made everyone feel the raft when sobriety kicked in. The way my mom yelled and cursed at my siblings and I 16 years of my life played a huge role in how I almost 10 years later parent my daughter. She’s the apple of my eye, and even though my mom has been deceased for nearly a decade her ways are not what I want to utilize when it comes to disciplining my child. When my mom was angry she made sure we knew and felt every ounce of anger she had. This in return made me angry as a child. Which prompted no result other than me being angry while she was angry and led to me becoming rebellious and abused both mentally, physically, and emotionally. Now, as an adult, I promised myself, my spouse, and more importantly my daughter to never become my mom, as a mom. So far so good, but there are days I catch myself being my mom and I have to remind myself that yelling at my daughter when she does things I don’t like will force her to believe it’s OK to be angry when someone does something she don’t like.. like my mother.. My mom lacked patience, and at almost 26, so do I. Working with being patient with my daughter when she act out has showed me she responds better when I inform her on ways to deal with things. This process is long and hard but I know the generational curse will soon be diminished. Hurt people, hurt people and I refuse to allow pain to dictate how much joy and happiness I can obtain in my life.. Because I am a better person from my childhood situation I have hopes that I’ll become a better mom. My life shaped my vision on what I want my daughter to endure because I wasn’t given the opportunity of positivity in my life, so I vowed to be the positivity I yearned for as a kid… but for my child..
Thank You Amina Kali Okafor for sharing this with us.
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This morning I was watching I Love Lucy as I do every morning. Today was just a little different. I have watched this show for many years and the revelation I received this morning I never noticed before. Many times we watch shows and laugh at the shenanigans that go on never really seeing the true message. Well, today I received it loud and clear.
Lucy is always coming up with some type of scheme on the show. And usually they never work out the way she intends for them to. But what I noticed today was how every time Ricky has to do a show with another woman she goes overboard. Now on the show Ricky has never done anything to make her think he is cheating yet she always goes bananas when another woman comes around. The question that I asked myself was “Is this her being insecure about herself or is it something Ricky did?” Then I began to think about other episodes that I watched where she was always trying to change the way she looked because she didn’t feel like she lived up to a certain image. Or every time a woman from Ricky’s country came around she would compare herself to them.
Now let me jump over into the real world. How many times have you accused a man of something based off of what another man did to you? The reason it is so easy for us to do this because we have not dealt with how that betrayal made us feel. Now we are insecure thinking that there was something wrong with us that made him betray our trust. You find yourself comparing the way you look to the other woman/women. Or every time a woman is around your mate you find yourself giving him the side eye because you think he’s looking at her. Let me say this women if you have not dealt with your past hurt and healed from it stay single until you do. Truth be told that if you get a good man you wouldn’t be able to tell because your insecurities will drive him away. Then you will be with your girlfriends talking about how you knew he was sorry and all the while you are the problem. Now is the time to take a minute to examine where you are with yourself. Take responsibility and let us stop blaming every man because we are insecure. There are still good men out here in this world and if you don’t be honest about your insecurities you may just pass him right on by or should I say run him away!!!
I wrote a blog once about my up and down battle with depression and I was real, honest and raw about it all. See when you are sharing your story be real with others about what you have been through. Your realness will open a gate for others to be real with themselves about where they are. Some of you may not be comfortable with sharing your story and that’s okay. But I am in a place of comfort and I share what God leads me to share. I have heard some say you tell to much of your business. Well because of it I have had others reach out to me and want to know how God brought me out. That alone is enough for me to continue to share and be real about my life. Will there be people that will try to hold my past against me? Absolutely, and I am truly okay with that. The reason I am okay with that is because they can’t share anything about me that I haven’t already shared with the world.
My honesty about me has given me the opportunity to help others. When I log into Facebook and have messages from people who want to talk to me I know that I’m doing what God purposed me to do. I feel like when God has delivered us from something don’t act as if that thing never happened. Don’t walk around like life has always been perfect and you have never had any wrong in your past. Please people take the mask off and let others know that if God delivered you He will do the same for them. Your story could mean life or death for someone else. There is a person out there just waiting for you to be transparent with them about your testimony. So am I willing to take the backlash from the “Holy High Rollers” yes I am if it will help one person.
I realized some time ago that God did not call me to be confined to the 4 walls of the church. I knew that I was going to be to raw for some people. Some may say you keep it to real but I say I’m just being transparent. The things that have happened in my life is the reality for many right now so why not talk about it? Just think about it this way if someone had been transparent with you what difference would that have made in your life? And don’t be so quick to look at another and think that they are beneath you because of where they are right now. They are still human and we are to love them as Christ loves us. Watch your words to them and how you react to them. Just because they are not where you are doesn’t mean that you get to treat them with disrespect. If you only knew how many times I have heard ” I have been mistreated by those in the church” and that hurts me to my heart. When a person is sick, in an accident or dying they go to the hospital for help to get better. Well when people are hurt, broken, depressed, addicted and lost they should be able to come to the church for healing not for “church hurt”.
So I will leave you with this your transparency will help another come out of where they are!
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)
As I read this scripture I thought about the root of bitterness and I see it as being under the surface. Bitterness is not something you see right away when you look at a person. It is more like when poison enters your body and attacks your internal organs. It lives inside that person. You may not be able to recognize bitterness since it’s not a surface problem. This takes me back to the root of this poison. From the root of bitterness grows branches like anger. But that is a topic we will address later.
Many people become bitter about the things that happened to them years ago. Often times this is because they have not forgiven the offense committed against them. When you allow the offense to take over that is when you leave a gateway open for other unhealthy feelings, such as bitterness and anger. Now you become bond by your emotions holding it all inside letting it fester and grow. I want you to understand that you do not have to be in bondage to bitterness.
Steps to overcoming bitterness:
- You must first forgive. Ask God to help you forgive those who offended you. But also ask God to forgive you for holding on to bitterness. Forgiveness is not an easy task so it is important that you seek God for help with this.
- Stop reliving the offense. You will never overcome the bitterness if you are reliving the offense in a negative light. Do not dwell in that negative place.
- God’s Grace. When you find it hard to let go His grace will give you the power to overcome. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Join us this week as we continue to discuss the root of bitterness. You can stay connected to us at www.facebook.com/luv2beu.
Do you really now who you are? Well I thought I knew who I was or should I say who people made me out to be. I was always looked upon as a lot of different things, all but a child of God! Then I began to see myself as others saw me. But when God looked at me He saw something so different. He saw a treasure! And now that I have Christ in my life I see that same treasure. Maybe not as clearly as God does but I now know it’s there. See people will always see what they want to see when they look @ you. But I had to stop worrying about others and say what does God see? And He does not see what others see. Letting Christ in was the best thing I could have ever done. He had a lot of things to heal inside of me. The things I had allowed to enter in from outside and some inside sources. There were words of death that were spoken over my life. And now I speak life over me and my family. God has started to opened doors for me that many will wonder how that happened. Well God did it! And I’m thankful. Never allow the enemy to have free reign over your life! You have the power and authority to speak blessings into your life. We have to stop giving the enemy so much power! I am everything that God says I am! And I stand on the promises of God. You do not have to listen to what others think of you. When people say you are not worthy and you are no good know that you are so much more! Look to God to confirm who you are and what your purpose in life is.
The question that I have to ask is “Why is sexual/physical abuse still taboo in families?” The reason I ask this is because some families still don’t want to address this problem. Is it because they don’t want others looking at their family differently or they just don’t want to believe that it happened? You have some families where this is a generational thing meaning it is a cycle. How can the cycle be broken if the problem is never talked about? Now is the time to make a difference and break the cycle!!!!
So let us first look at sexual abuse. There are so many victims /survivors of sexual abuse. This is not something that just happens to girls but many boys are victims as well. People need to be aware of this fact and not look at it as a one sided problem. We need to be talking to our children and letting them know they can come to us with anything. Have the discussion with your children about sexual abuse. So many people think this could never happen in my family well that is their first mistake. It can happen in any family and awareness is the key. The main thing is that we need to make sure that the child understands that IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT! There are adults who are walking around still blaming themselves for what happened to them as children. This offense is something that a child carries with them into adulthood. Some find it hard to trust others with their own children. It haunts them in their sleep. Sexual abuse causes some to fall into a state of depression. We have to stop sweeping this issue under the rug and face it head on. This has to be done so that others can be SET FREE from this bondage.
How many of you have seen your mother be abused and end up in the same type of relationship? Physical abuse is such a vicious cycle whether you are the abuser or the one being abused. There are so many red flags that we sometimes ignore before it ever gets to the point of turning physical. I sometimes hear women say they stay because of financial reasons, fear, afraid of being alone or because they love them. I have heard men say they stay because of the stigma behind being a battered man. There is nothing that a person can say or do that warrants another to beat their spouse. Also, the verbal abuse is just as devastating as the physical. When a person hears something over and over again they begin to believe the awful things that are being said about them. Words cut you deep just like taking a knife and making a wound. You have to know that there are places out here that can help if you are a victim of abuse. If there is a chance that you can make it out alive please take it. There are many who lose their lives due to Domestic Violence. Don’t allow yourself to be just another statistic.
Abuse can leave more than just physical scars. There are emotional scars that run so deep a person may feel like they will never be able to move forward. Well I am here to tell you that it is possible to have a very product life after abuse. Sometimes in life there will be things that will trigger that painful moment but it is how you respond that will determine if you have healed or not. Don’t allow the pain, anger, bitterness, fear or shame to hold you hostage. Below will be a list of resources that you can use.
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE(4673)
National Sexual Violence Resource 1-877-739-3895
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
One day as I was strolling through instagram I see a photo that reads ” Your God-fearing Facebook updates do not cause me to forget the godless whore you were in high school!”
The minute that I read that statement I thought to myself God why can’t people leave the past where it is in the past? Then the laughter came because I thought well this is how some people view me. Oh how grateful I am that God doesn’t view me like people view me.
Then the Lord begin to show me that most people that continue to live in your past are there because they are stuck in their own past. Still holding on to grudges for things that happened to them 10 to 20 years ago. Still angry and bitter and can’t forgive those that hurt them. Then my laughter turned to sadness for those people. It truly has to be a miserable life when you can’t let go of the past. Well I know first hand how miserable that can be. I allowed what others said about me to keep me stuck looking at my past until one day God gave me a glimpse of my future. And oh what a future it is! One that will Glorify Him until the day I leave this earth. Understand this what God has purposed you for your past WILL NOT keep you from it unless you allow it to!!!! Don’t allow what people think of you to keep you from what God has called you to do. See those people have to seek God to heal those broken places so they no longer continue to be a vessel for the enemy! Keep your eye on what God has purposed you for.
I leave you with this…” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)