I remember it like it was yesterday. I was walking up our driveway, it was in the evening time somewhat dark outside. As, I was walking I saw this man he came from the side of the house. He got close to me told me he had been watching me and I didn’t even know it. Before I knew it he grabbed me covered my mouth and dragged me back to this shed we had. I tried my best to fight him off. He told me, if I scream he would kill me. I was in the fifth grade so of course I was scared and believed him. After it was over I had to get myself together, walk into my house as though nothing happened. I never said anything about the incident for along time, when I finally did it was too late. Meaning no one believed me.
This damaged me beyond what felt like could be repaired. I really didn’t know how to handle what had happened to me. My life from there just become a roller-coaster ride. It changed me in more ways than one, but most importantly it shaped me in a bad way . I became depressed wanting to kill myself, even tried to on more than one occasion. This made me angry causing me to deal by holding everything inside.
I am now about to be 32 years old and this still hurts me to this day. I found it difficult to trust at one point in my life I even turned to women. I didn’t trust men when I would meet them I would sleep with them, because I was scared to say NO. Because saying No meant the possibility of them just taking it from me. I still don’t allow people to get close to me because of the fear of getting hurt. I have even damaged some relationships which I’m not proud of because of the hurt that I was feeling . I’m very guarded causing me to build this wall which has an affect on my relationships today. I was told that I have BPD which is a mental illness .
However, I believe God and as I go through this process called Life this is one of the things that God has to heal me from. As a child I never dealt with this I just tried to covered it up in the hopes of blocking it out. Listen that never works!! One thing that I have learned is that you can’t fix won’t you won’t face.
This story was shared by someone who wanted to remain anonymous. I would like to take the time to thank them for allowing me to share their story with others.
Do you really now who you are? Well I thought I knew who I was or should I say who people made me out to be. I was always looked upon as a lot of different things, all but a child of God! Then I began to see myself as others saw me. But when God looked at me He saw something so different. He saw a treasure! And now that I have Christ in my life I see that same treasure. Maybe not as clearly as God does but I now know it’s there. See people will always see what they want to see when they look @ you. But I had to stop worrying about others and say what does God see? And He does not see what others see. Letting Christ in was the best thing I could have ever done. He had a lot of things to heal inside of me. The things I had allowed to enter in from outside and some inside sources. There were words of death that were spoken over my life. And now I speak life over me and my family. God has started to opened doors for me that many will wonder how that happened. Well God did it! And I’m thankful. Never allow the enemy to have free reign over your life! You have the power and authority to speak blessings into your life. We have to stop giving the enemy so much power! I am everything that God says I am! And I stand on the promises of God. You do not have to listen to what others think of you. When people say you are not worthy and you are no good know that you are so much more! Look to God to confirm who you are and what your purpose in life is.
Have you ever had one bad thing after another happen to you? Well I could have been the poster child for tragedies. Walking around wondering why me Lord. I’m sure that I’m not the only one that ever asked that question. But I must say it was a constant one for me. I also thought what a horrible person I must have been in life to have to go through so much. Can you imagine saying to yourself God must not love me to let this happen to me. Well this was all before I had a true relationship with God. See when we don’t understand just how much God truly loves us our minds start to wonder. Well that is a trick of the enemy. He would have us think that God has left us through all of the bad that we go through. Well I’m here to say that all of the bad situations that you have had to endure were for the good of others. Every bad thing I’ve been through in my life was so I could show someone else how God brought me out to the other side. You have to embrace every situation in your life good and bad. But when your going through the storm know that God is right there with you and He will see you through. There is nothing like sharing your story to help another person stay above water.
That moment when you think you have everything all worked out just to have it backfire in your face, what do you do? Well you can do one of two things. You can fall to defeat or brush yourself off and have faith that God will help you through. Often times we fall into the first scenario. We just automatically give up. Then here it comes blaming God for what didn’t go our way. Or the way we thought He told us it would go. But were you clear about what He wanted you to do? Or was it more of what you wanted to do? We must always be clear about what God is telling us so that we don’t step outside of His will. When we feel defeated emotions are on the rise, mostly anger and depression. Angry at God because we feel He left us. Or depressed because we feel like the world is over. The truth is God has never left our side!!! This is where FAITH comes in!
Haven’t you realized by now that a setback is a setup for a breakthrough!!! The enemy would LOVE for you to lose your faith in The Lord. He wants you to give up and be defeated so he can come in and totally destroy you. But you must hold tight to your faith. All we need is faith the size of a mustard seed.(Matthew 17:20) Some of you God has promised some things and you don’t see it manifesting yet…TRUST!(Hebrews 11:1) Keep the faith that it will come in God’s timing and not yours. DO NOT WALK IN DEFEAT WALK IN FAITH THAT GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU. REMEMBER HE KNOWS THE PLANS HE HAS FOR YOU! (JEREMIAH 29:11)
PHOTO NOT MINE!