The Open Side-Chick

What would make a woman be proud to be the other woman? Does this title not come with some form of shame? Has social media glamorized this title to the point that we just turn a blind eye to the issue? These are some of things that crossed my mind when I saw this photo. Now please understand that I am not here to judge because I have been on both sides of the fence. But with age and experience I have learned that my value is worth more than playing second best to anyone.

Many try to make it seem as if they are okay with this role but please be truthful with yourself. If you were really okay with it you would not have to broadcast it in the hopes that the other woman figures you out. Also, if I act like this is cool I can mask the fact that I really want more from this man that is married to someone else. See honestly what they really want is to be the main woman in his life. But ask yourself this question “How often does the side become the main?” Unfortunately these reality shows are giving women false hope. Love And Hip Hop has made it seem that the new normal is that he will marry the side piece. But look how miserable they look on these shows. Every episode they are crying or fighting over this man. Is it worth losing yourself just to say you have a man?

Now my other questions are why is this good enough for you? Is that you don’t really want to be in a committed relationship because you fear being hurt? Do you lose your value along the way because of something from your past? Was this something that was the norm in your family? As I talk with other women these are some of the questions that they want answers to. Have you ever thought is this how you would want your daughter to be treated? Many times as the side chick we think of none other than self. Honestly there are usually children involved in these situations and how this will infect them never crosses anyone’s mind.  And yes, I said infect because this becomes like an infectious disease. Causes many to be hurt in the end.

There are so many areas that we could cover talking about this subject but I don’t really have that much time. I will come back next week and speak on self-worth. As it pertains to this subject I feel it plays a large role in what we allow as women. My prayer is that many will see and understand that they are worth more than getting scraps here and there when they are available. That they will see that they to should be afforded the luxury of eating at the table like a human being. At some point we must come of the clearance rack and get in the glass case where the valuables are stored!!

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Relationships Private vs Secret

I often sit and listen to others talk about their relationships and wonder do they really hear what they are saying. Most of the time I don’t say anything because I love observing others. And I do understand people wanting to keep their relationship private in hopes to getting to know each other without the input of outside forces. Many times we allow the opinion of others to cloud our judgement when it comes to relationships. Or we have people volunteering information that you didn’t even ask for. So therefore you don’t want to share the fact that you are dating with the people that you love. Keeping things private for a while is not a bad thing. Now on the other hand keeping it a secret is something totally different. So let me jump right in.

Private  means affecting or involving only a particular person or group of people. See most of the time when people decide to keep things private only maybe a best friend knows about the relationship. They make a decision not to involve everyone in the family on their new adventure. Maybe they realize that having everyone involved can cause things to go south before they even start. This comes with knowing the people in your life. We all know that when you first start dating sometimes people want to give you the run down on that person. What they have heard from others and maybe a rundown of that person’s past. They do this without ever giving you a chance to see if this is someone you even really want to entertain. So being private is not a bad thing.

Secret means not known or seen or meant to be known or seen by others. The moment you become the person that is only seen late at night and no one knows that you are even in the picture there is a problem. When someone is begging you to be quiet about the fact that you’re involved that is a red flag. Why do you have to be a secret?? That’s the question you should be asking. This person denies you anytime someone asks if the two of you are involved. There are usually only 2 reasons someone would keep you secret they have a mate already or they are ashamed. Never allow anyone to treat like you’re not worthy of being loved.

Don’t ever be confused about what is private and what is secret. Because nothing good ever comes out of a secret. If you allow yourself to remain a secret prepare yourself for hurt to follow. No man or woman that truly cares for you would want to keep you a dirty little secret. Know that you are worth more that being a secret.